Yesterday, my dear wife reported trouble with the kids getting through their morning list, and there was general trouble all day long with obedience, right up through bedtime. Today, therefore, we had an academy. The goal was to do morning and night-time lists with no reminders and a good attitude. Lizey pretty much sailed through hers, and she managed to think it was actually kind of fun, but Ian was a different story.
At first he just couldn't believe he was actually required to get into pajamas, put clothes into the hamper, brush teeth, clean up eight things, and report back. There was moaning and wailing, death threats, angry stares, the whole nine yard. I gave him a 5/10 on obedience for the number of reminders I had to give, and 1/10 on attitude. At least he did not actually throw any punches or get physical with me. There was more disbelief and wounded shock when I told him then to start on his morning list, which includes putting away breakfast dishes (yes there were some out), brushing teeth (again), getting dressed, and doing a morning chore. Obedience level was about the same because I had to give a lot of reminders, and attitude improved to 2/10, with an important difference. He started to ask whether he was going to have to do it again, and that was the clincher. Hannah and I explained to him that until we had what we wanted for both obedience and attitude, he was going to have to keep going. Well, the second time through the night-time list was much better, an 8/10 and 5/10 for obedience and attitude. Then he finally got it all figured out, and turned himself around. The last repetition of the morning list scored a 9/10 and 8/10. And then he was free to go back to the computer game that I pulled him from to do the academy.
The great thing about this method, was that it allowed Hannah and me to keep our cool and not get personal. There was a tremendous turnaround in Ian's outlook. He was actually happy at the end of it, and while he did not enjoy the process, I think he feels a lot better afterward.
We finished off the session by explaining that if they enjoyed doing the academy, all they have to do is talk back, disobey, or get distracted in the middle of doing something we asked them to earn another one.
Future academies may include perfecting such tasks as getting dressed and putting away pajamas or the reverse, doing chores, getting into the car, coming in from the car and remembering to bring everything in with them.
Has anybody else tried anything like this? Post a response and share!
3 comments:
Wow. Nope, we haven't tried anything of the sort. I am going more for a "model the behavior" approach, along with trusting that they will, in time, do what needs to be done because THEY want to, not because it is enforced by us or anyone else. And respecting that there may be some things they just aren't interested in participating in, just as I myself am not interested in a lot of chores, etc. When I have tried being the "enforcer", i saw potential damage building in my relationships with the boys and therefore felt the need to change my approach. It's working for us.
I think behavior academy is a great idea! Of course, this is coming from a type A personality who likes to check off boxes on the list of things to do.
I think it's a great idea, too! It obviously worked for Ian, and you have to do what works for the individual child. I may adapt that and use a variation for the girls. Thanks for the inspiration!
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